Tuesday, February 7, 2023

Holiday gift wrapping lessons

December 22, 2011  

Have You Heard…If you’re like me you probably have last minute gifts to get. If so, check out another of our local businesses, Navidad Farms Pecans. This is a business owned and managed by long-time Oak Hill resident Jeanne Row. Navidad can make gift shopping easy since they offer many kinds of nut-based candies and varieties of nuts, already in gift packages along with Christmas decorations and novelties. The packages come in a range of prices and Jeannie will package and ship them anywhere in the country. The Navidad Farms store is located on Hwy. 290, just a couple miles west of the ‘Y’. Their phone number is 800-487-9194 and you can access their online selections via www.navidadfarms.com


Have You Heard…I originally wrote this column a couple years ago and was recently requested by a number of loyal readers (2 or 3) to offer it again. Since it is just before Christmas, it’s time to get those gifts wrapped. And, because every female seems to have a gene that allows them to wrap any gift of any size and any shape, and to make it look good, the following is offered as a public service as an advisor for men.

As we know from The Good Book, the first gift givers were the Three Wise Men who brought their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh (I wonder what myrrh is anyway). But, there is no record of the Three Wise Men wrapping those gifts. If they had, there would probably be a narrative of Baby Jesus playing with the empty boxes instead of with the gifts. And I wonder what you would do with myrrh in any case. The reasons the Three Wise Men probably didn’t wrap their gifts are: 1) they were wise; 2) they were men. We’re not even sure that myrrh can be wrapped (what exactly is myrrh anyway?).

The fact is — gift wrapping just doesn’t come naturally to men. If the stuff is already in a box or bag, what is the point of putting more paper around it? But, this isn’t acceptable to our wives and sweethearts. So, in the interest of helping mankind and because I am well experienced in the art of gift wrapping, I will provide easy instructions.

First, the materials: get wrapping paper. Every store sells it but at Christmas time, the price of the holiday wrapping paper during the season seems to go up. So buy another kind of paper. I find that wedding-gift paper works pretty well – it usually has bells and pretty pictures. If someone questions you about your choice, just shrug your shoulders and pretend that you didn’t know any better. Besides, it’s true, isn’t it? Along with your paper, you will need three additional supplies – scotch tape, a magic marker and small post-it note pads. Take special note, we are specifying scotch tape, and duct tape won’t do. This is maybe the only occasion in your life where duct tape won’t work.

The wrapping paper is obvious; just wrap it around your gift. Then use the tape to hold it together and also to tape down the parts sticking out. Now, here is where the magic marker is indispensable. No guy can wrap any gift without a corner, or two, sticking out. So you use the magic marker to color the corner so it blends in with the wrapping. It works better if you have a colored marker that is close to the color of the paper. Now for the Post-it. Do you remember when you bought gift labels last year? They seem to only come in packages of several hundred to a package. A package of labels should last for a lifetime. So of course you said to yourself, “I’ll just save these till next year and I won’t need to get more” But, now, they’re gone, aren’t they. I know. I have been doing this for many years and I think I have discovered where all those labels are. They are with the single sock that goes missing every time you do your laundry. Probably in “Sock Heaven.” Therefore, it’s time for the post-it. Just write the name of the recipient and from (put your name there) and stick it on the package. And there you go – you have a finished product.

Now, a word for those do-it-your-self fanatics — many men feel compelled, during the gift-giving season, to use those tools that have been gathering dust in the garage. The usual strategy is to offer a suggestion that perhaps your sweetheart might like a gift that was made especially for her. Nearly always, the response will be, “Why dear, that’s a wonderful idea.”

Since I am somewhat fluent in female-ese, I will translate this. It actually means, “You must be joking. There had better be something sparkling under the tree on Christmas morning”. However, if you persist, than make sure you wrap it as well as you can (see instructions, above). When she opens it on Christmas morning, if she seems puzzled and asks what it is, just tell her that it’s myrrh.


Thought for the day…Anyone who says men and women are equal has never watched someone of each gender wrap gifts. But for all of you, I wish happy holidays for each of you and your families.



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